rnicrophone:

bombing:

cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas

me: you said i got one phone call

image

(via justlearningasigo)

271,614 notes

wrasslers:

do you wanna look like this skeleton

image

or THIS skeleton?

image

drink a milk kids

(Source: hirookigoto, via laughingstation)

34,846 notes

lanashiftdelrey:

coming out of your room at 3 am and seeing your parents

image

(via fvcko)

176,127 notes

alt-j:

ppl on this website be like your grades don’t measure your intelligence but whether or not you drink tea and like dr. who does

(via stability)

113,774 notes

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

did you hear about the italian chef who died?

he pasta way

he just ran out of thyme

here today, gone tomato

his wife is still upset, cheese still not over it

we never sausage a tragedy coming

ashes to ashes, crust to crust

there’s just not mushroom for italian chefs in today’s world

(Source: sofunnyimcryan, via infinityc0re)

191,999 notes

howunpleasant:

friday at school i heard some girl in the hall way scream “FOR THE LAST TIME BITCH IM LESBIAN IM NOT TRYING TO STEAL YOUR BOYFRIEND HE SMELLS LIKE KETCHUP ANYWAYS”

(via infinityc0re)

420,750 notes